A New Way of Looking at Love
by LadyDivine91
Summary: This is the continuing story that started with 'The First Time I Saw Your Face' - Kurt, a boy who no one tried to notice, falls for Sebastian, a boy who notices no one. Sebastian has visual agnosia, Kurt has a disfiguring scar. The two of them meet in college, and after a rocky start, they fall in love. Kurtbastian. Kurt H. Sebastian S.
1. I'm Covered in Freckles

**I'm Covered in Freckles, You're Covered in Scars**

 **A/N:** **Warning for talk about body image and scars.**

 **Part five of the 'A New Way of Looking at Love' series, and which will now be posted here. The original four chapters, which can be found uploaded individually, are as follows:**

 **The First Time I Saw Your Face**

 **The First Time I Really Saw You**

 **What You See in Me**

 **Study Session**

In his sleep, Sebastian smiles as gentle fingertips pat down his chest, stopping at one point, then jumping to another, tracing paths, connecting touches. It's not that Kurt hasn't done this before, waiting until he thinks his boyfriend is dead to the world and then examining his body. It's just that it seems to happen more often lately. Sebastian doesn't mind. He doesn't think it's creepy or anything. It's not like Kurt's going to hurt him, or do something inappropriate. And Sebastian's not ashamed of his body. He doesn't have anything to hide. He _is_ curious why Kurt does it, though. He was kind of hoping Kurt would talk to him about it, bring it up after sex, or maybe right before they climbed into bed with one another. Maybe he'd start his investigating early, not wait till Sebastian fell asleep, and that would be a stepping off point to a conversation.

But Kurt hasn't yet.

Sebastian wouldn't normally worry too much about it except Kurt has some extreme body issues. _Unique_ body issues. Having a humongous burn scar take up half of your body will probably do that to you. Kurt has gone through so many stages of handling his scar. At home, back before he left Lima for New York to go to college, he said he pretty much just tried to disappear, which worked fine since people in his community didn't know how to handle it themselves. When he got to New York, he did his best to blend in, stay below the radar. In a city of eight million people, that shouldn't have been too hard. But it became a little difficult when a few people wouldn't let him forget how much of an outcast he was. He started seeing a therapist, trying to find a way to accept not just the scar, but the way people in the adult world, which he had falsely believed would be better than high school world, would treat him.

And then he met Sebastian. Sebastian who had his own issues that kept him isolated from the world. Sebastian, who couldn't see the scar at first, but could see Kurt's face. A face that, in the beginning, was partially a lie. But then, Sebastian was introduced to Kurt's scar, saw him the way he truly was, and fell in love with him. Not because of the scar or in spite of it.

Sebastian fell in love with an amazing man named Kurt Hummel, who coincidentally had a scar.

That new relationship brought with it its own sub-stages of Kurt learning to accept his scar. His world gained focus. He wasn't only worried about what the vast majority of insignificant people felt about him. In a way, now that he had Sebastian, those people mattered less and less. He was worried more about the way Sebastian saw him – as a man and as a lover. Taking off his clothes for Sebastian, letting Sebastian feel his body, making love to Sebastian, were all obstacles Kurt had to overcome. But he got to a point where his self-consciousness about his body - in front of Sebastian, at least - had drifted away. He walked around their apartment in his underwear when they were alone, without a care. They showered together almost exclusively.

They made love with the lights on.

It was during a segue into a chapter about body dysmorphic disorder that Kurt had begun studying in one of his psychology classes that suddenly seemed to bring back a few of his old habits. He wore a t-shirt around the apartment when he would normally just go without. His hair, which he had started growing long, he took to brushing in front of his burnt cheek. And when they fooled around, Kurt didn't require that they turn out the lights, but he requested that they dim them, and pulled the covers over both of them, making it less likely that Sebastian would see him completely naked.

These behaviors have Sebastian worried, but he wants to wait for Kurt to come to him on his own.

And he's still waiting.

But along with all of those came this fascination with Sebastian's skin, which he only explores when Sebastian is asleep. He'll start out feeling him up underneath the sheets, running soothing palms over the flat of Sebastian's abs and chest. Then he slowly peels down the blanket, and takes a long look, sometimes for more than an hour, mapping out the same spots and tracing the same lines. Sebastian originally thought he was feeling the outline of his muscles, but the areas he touches are somewhat random and sparse.

Sebastian doesn't want to interfere, but since it is his body under review, he has to know, "What are you looking at, gorgeous?"

"Oh," Kurt squeaks, looking up in surprise to see Sebastian's eyes open to slits, spying on Kurt performing this curious nighttime ritual. "I…uh…didn't mean to wake you." He pulls his hand away from Sebastian's chest, but Sebastian catches it, and returns it to its original spot. "I thought you were asleep."

"Actually, I know you've been doing this for a while," Sebastian admits.

"Oh," Kurt says again, that one syllable sounding incredibly guilty. "Oh, I…I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"No sorry needed," Sebastian says, rubbing Kurt's hand over his chest, missing his gentle attentions. "I just want to know what's going on? What is it you're looking for?"

"Uh, I'm…looking at your freckles, actually. I used to have quite a few on my face when I was little, but I either grew out of them or…"

"You still have a couple," Sebastian informs him, pointing to one on the bridge of Kurt's nose.

"Yeah, but I used to have tons of them…you know…before." Kurt looks into Sebastian's eyes, grateful to see understanding there. There are days when Kurt has no problem talking about his accident. Some days he doesn't like acknowledging that such a thing could ever happen. "I think there was a time when I even hated them."

"Really? Why?" Sebastian crinkles his nose as he examines Kurt's face.

"I think I thought they were ugly or something," Kurt admits, then makes a face. "Little did I know…"

"Kurt…" Sebastian sighs.

"How do you feel about yours?" Kurt asks, cutting off Sebastian's attempt to contradict him.

"I don't know," Sebastian says, taking Kurt's not-so-subtle hint. "To tell you the truth, I don't have an opinion about them one way or the other." Sebastian shrugs. "They've just…always been there. I know that having a lot of freckles or moles can be difficult for some kids. Other kids make fun of them and whatnot. But, I wasn't raised around other kids. No one teased me. If they were gone tomorrow, I'm not sure I would feel bad about it."

Kurt chews on his lower lip and thinks. "Well, I would miss them."

"Really?" Sebastian sits up in bed, completely awake. "And why's that?"

"I just…like them." Kurt puts a fingertip on one, then draws a line to another. "I like the feel of them under my fingers when I touch you. That might sound weird because, I mean, most of them are flat. It's just your skin I'm touching but…I know they're there. And I get to look at them whenever I want." Kurt shyly lets his fingers dip under the blanket. Sebastian sucks in a breath when they slide to his hips, dancing along the waistband to his boxers. "The ones that go a little further down, no one gets to see those but me…right?"

"Right," Sebastian says, then rolls his eyes away with a sly little smile. "You and…well…Dr. Peterman. My G.P."

Kurt frowns, but he has to concede. "Okay, maybe Dr. Peterman, but that's because I want you to stay healthy."

Since they're joking around, the mood lighter than it's been in a few days, Sebastian decides to go for broke.

"Does this fascination with my freckles have anything to do with the way you've been acting differently lately? You know, a little more reserved here at home?" It's a vague question, and he pauses to see if Kurt understands. "I'm not pressuring you or anything, but there are some things I've been missing, and I'm hoping they'll come back."

Kurt nods. "Yeah…uh…it does." Kurt takes a deep breath. It shudders a few times before it fills his lungs. "Sebastian, I know what I'm about to say is going to sound…horrible," Kurt starts, almost unable to get the last word out. Sebastian puts an arm around him, preparing for whatever he's about to hear, and letting Kurt know that whatever it is, he has no intention of judging him for it. "But, I've been thinking how I would love to trade my scar for your freckles, for just one damn day."

"Oh, Kurt." Sebastian pulls Kurt to his chest when he starts to break down, and hugs him hard. "God, so would I."

"Would you really?" Kurt asks, sounding somewhat skeptical.

"I would," Sebastian says. "And not just for a day. For as long as you wanted."

Kurt chuckles through his tears, that single bark that usually precedes a sarcastic comment. "Why in the hell would you do something stupid like that?"

"Because I love you," Sebastian says. "And I don't like seeing you in pain. You're so good about handling your scar, you're so strong. You confront people with understanding, you turn insults into discussions. You teach people about tolerance. You've changed so much since that first day when I knocked you over in math class, and when you ditched me at Starbucks. But dammit, you deserve a fucking break."

Kurt chuckles again, but this time, it's more sincere.

"And if I could give that to you, Kurt, I would do it without blinking an eye. I hope you believe me. I hope you know that, no matter what, I'm here for you – to vent, to yell at, to cry if you want. I just wish I could help you with this."

"I know you do," Kurt says. "And I thank you. I just…what we've been studying…it's been hard for me…and I feel…" Kurt sighs. "I need a little time to come to terms with some of it. And I know it feels like I'm going back to the beginning, learning to deal with this all over again, and you've been so patient..."

"Hey" – Sebastian kisses Kurt on the forehead – "take all the time you need. I just want you to be okay."

Kurt wraps his arms around Sebastian's torso, and holds him tight.

"I will be," Kurt promises, giving Sebastian a squeeze. "I know I will be."


	2. The First Time I Knew This Was Forever

**A/N: After Kurt confesses to Sebastian that a subject he's been studying in school has been making him feel self-conscious about his body, Kurt starts acting a bit more like himself again. Which means, sex marathon after school. But there's still one more thing on his mind, and it comes out at kind of an unlikely time.**

 **Warning for sexual content, body image, and mention of a scar.**

"So," Kurt says, voice cracking absurdly, which makes him and Sebastian snicker, "what…do you think…about that…for a turn around?" Kurt laughs again, and Sebastian's heart swells with the complete, unfettered joy in it. After the last few weeks, with Kurt wrestling with certain topics at school that made him self-conscious about his own body, specifically his scar, he has begun to come out of his funk with flying colors, the way Sebastian knew he would.

"I think…it's amazing," Sebastian says, unable to blink, to move, to think too clearly. But he doesn't really have to think at all with his sexy boyfriend riding him, which he's been doing since they got home from classes, tearing off his own clothes without a word while Sebastian followed close behind, and around five orgasms later, it's nearly dinner time.

But Kurt isn't getting off Sebastian's lap, and Sebastian isn't about to make him.

Kurt raises a shaky arm and wipes the sweat from his brow. "Je-jesus…Christ…" he moans, swallowing heavy, breathing hard. He leans his head back and inhales through parted lips, trying to catch his breath. His lungs hurt, his entire chest burns, but he laughs at this pain…that it can come hand-in-hand with such extreme pleasure.

"Are you…are you done?" Sebastian asks, watching sweat roll down Kurt's chest, bead after bead down the flat plane of his pecs, stopping when it hits his scar, then winding around the wrecked flesh.

"No," Kurt smiles, tilting his head to the side to get a better view of Sebastian's face through his unruly bangs. "Are you?"

"Not by a long shot." Sebastian grabs Kurt's hand and brings it to his lips. He kisses Kurt's knuckles, enjoying the flavor of salty sweat, knowing that he's part of the reason that Kurt's drenched in it. "Can you move?"

Kurt redistributes his weight, trying to lift up on to his knees, but his legs shake. He gets half an inch off Sebastian's hips, and then slides down again. "No. Can you?"

Sebastian doesn't need to try to move to know the answer. "Not a bit. _You've_ been the one doing all the work for about an hour now."

"And don't you forget it."

"Oh, I won't," Sebastian promises, tickling Kurt's calves where they're tucked beside his body

"Do you _want_ to move?" Kurt asks, shooing Sebastian's hands away.

"Not at all."

"Good." Kurt tries to lean towards the bed side table, reaching for the Aquafina bottle he has sitting there. It's sweating about as much as he is, taunting him with its promise of cool liquid refreshment. He takes a few swipes at it, whimpering in despair when his fingers don't quite make it. Then he turns to his boyfriend, grinning in amusement at Kurt's struggle. "Hey. Hand me that water, will ya?"

"Sure." Sebastian scoots as best he can towards the table, giggling when it takes more strength than he has. He uses the last of his energy reserves to buck up and jettison towards the pillows, grinning with satisfaction when Kurt moans in the process. He wraps a hand around the still cold water, amazing since it's been out of the fridge for as long as they've been fucking. He breaks the seal on the cap and hands it to his boyfriend. "Here."

"Oh, thank God!" Kurt exclaims, grabbing the water, bringing it to his lips, and gulping it down. Sebastian watches Kurt's throat move as he swallows, and fuck being hot and exhausted, he starts getting hard in Kurt's ass again. Kurt's parched gulping slows to thoughtful sipping, and when his eyes become distant, Sebastian starts to wonder, "What are you thinking, gorgeous?"

Kurt's eyes shift from the spot he's been staring at, down to Sebastian's face. Sebastian half expects to see sorrow in Kurt's eyes, a crash of reality invading their beautiful afternoon, but Kurt's smile seems content, happy. "I'm thinking about how lucky I am that I found you."

Sebastian puts a hand on Kurt's knee. "I think the same thing about you, over and over, every time I look at you. What a gift it is that we found each other."

"You think of that when you look at me?"

"Yup," Sebastian says. "Every time I look at you."

"And" - Kurt bites his lip – "you don't regret being with me? Not at all?"

Confused, Sebastian shakes his head. "Why would I?"

"Well, I'm your first…your only. If we decide to spend our lives together, won't you feel like you're missing out on something?"

"Missing out on what?" Sebastian asks, but he immediately figures out the answer. "Something _better_?"

"I don't know." Kurt momentarily looks away, embarrassed for bringing this up _now_. "Something _different_ …maybe?"

"Let me ask you the same question. Do you think you're missing out?"

Kurt goes from embarrassed to offended in a blink. "No. Never. Sebastian! You're like…a dream. I couldn't imagine finding a better man… _ever_."

"Then why do you think _I_ would ever want someone other than _you_?" Sebastian asks. "I love you. And if we stay together for the rest of our lives, I'll consider myself the luckiest man on Earth." Sebastian runs his hands up and down Kurt's legs, needing to feel closer to him, even more than they are right now, with one physically inside the other. "How can you not see that?"

"I don't know," Kurt says. "I guess that, maybe, I still get a little paranoid, afraid that I'm going to lose you. That you're going to wake up one day and resent settling."

Sebastian wants to argue Kurt's word choice, tell him for the hundredth time that he's not settling. He knows that these feelings may be Kurt's, but they're a symptom of something else, the anxiety that Kurt's getting over. No need drudging up bad feelings and scotching the rest of the evening. Besides, he doesn't want to argue while they're in this position. He'd rather do something to make Kurt feel good, in the hopes that it'll make things better.

"You know what is considered the best cure for paranoia?" Sebastian asks.

Kurt raises a brow. "What?"

"Sex," Sebastian answers, running his hands higher up Kurt's thighs, creeping towards his cock. "Lots and lots of sex."

"Haven't we been having lots of sex?" Kurt laughs. "And yesterday you said that sex was the best cure for insomnia."

"A-ha" – Sebastian doesn't take hold of Kurt's cock; he just strokes it lightly with his fingertips, the way he knows really gets Kurt going – "and after we did it, how did you sleep?"

Kurt rolls his head on his shoulders and tries not to agree too quickly. It might be fun to tease Sebastian and object, but he finds it a tad bit difficult when his boyfriend is doing that sublime caressing thing with his fingertips. Anyway, who's Kurt to complain? Sebastian's argument may be ridiculous, but it's definitely compelling. "Really good, actually."

"See? I stand by my previous statement."

"Okay." Kurt nods in agreement. He caps his water bottle and drops it to the floor, gearing up for round six? Eight? Oh, fuck it. He's lost count. "I guess it couldn't hurt to try."


End file.
